It's Not Personal, Really

One of my favorite bloggers, Mr. Sleep, recently was lamenting the rampant rudeness that currently engulfs American society and it got me thinking. Why are people so rude to each other?

I have various thoughts on the subject, although they all are based upon the same thing -- it's nothing personal. Really, it's you, not me.

1. Inferiority Complex

The message that you aren't good enough is ubiquitous. It's there when you turn on the television, open a magazine, or go shopping. Buy this car or you won't get hot chicks. Wear this clothes or you won't be attractive to men. Take this pill or you'll be fat and no one will love you. You don't have time to think about other people because, according to the world, you are so f'ed up that it's going to be light years before you buy enough clothes and get enough plastic surgery to cure yourself of your many defects.

If you carry around the burden of inferiority all day, it's going to be hard for you to love anyone else. You'll be more focused on sizing up everyone else in the world to gauge how you are doing. "I'm not that fat. I'm not that stupid. Maybe it will make me feel smart if I put down someone else. I'll yell at that a-hole who isn't driving as perfectly as I always do EVERY single time I am behind the wheel. I can't believe he didn't use his blinker." You can tell a lot about a person by how they behave in traffic.

2. Starbucks

Although I have never drank coffee, my recent attempts to kick a Mountain Dew addiction renders me sufficiently knowledgeable about caffe-zombies. These are people who start their day with coffee and need periodic injections throughout the day in order to function. These caffe-zombies are drug addicts who do not stray far from the crackhouses popularly known as Starbucks. They stand in line impatiently, shaking, babbling under their breath, waiting for the next fix. Next time someone is rude to you, point her to the crackhouse. She'll probably be sweet as pie after her double tall grande latte.

3. Fast Food

If you don't think the food you eat has anything to do with your moods, try living on twinkies for a week and let me know how it goes. This ties into the Starbucks issue. Your brain is fueled on sugar. Processed foods that have high concentrations of sugar send you on massive highs and burn-and-crash lows. Someone who does not eat good food regularly, which most Americans don't, is going to be a real peach when they are out and about. For more on this topic, watch Super Size Me or read Fast Food Nation. And eat breakfast for goodness sake!

4. Uncharged Batteries

The person who relies on coffee, eats fast food and thinks she isn't pretty because she doesn't look like an air-brushed picture of Jennifer Aniston is the one who has no idea how to take care of herself. Everyone has a spiritual/mental battery that must be constantly charged. Some people require more frequent charging than others, but none of us can allow it to fall to empty. Personally, I maintain the charge on my batteries with blogging, reading loads of thought-provoking books, quality time with my friends and family and, twice a year, I take a crazy vacation for a whole new battery. I am lucky. I know myself. I know when I am hitting critical stress period where I need to re-charge. The red light on my battery goes off loudly and I listen.

How many people do you know who listen to their inner batteries? And, even if they do, can they afford to take a day off, let alone a week off to care for themselves? I look around and see people running from one obligation to another and, often times, it is self-imposed. Wake up first thing in the morning, get the kids to school, sit in traffic to work, work all day, come home to forage for dinner and then pass out from exhaustion to start it all again the next day. And an increasing number of people take on two jobs just to make ends meet. Their day can end at midnight. Courtesy of creative financing, many cannot afford even one day off from work for fear of missing a mortgage payment. They can't afford a vacation because they spent all the money on the new SUV and are spending even more on gas these days. It is a world of uncharged batteries. Everyone is on the edge. The commoditization of ourselves and the resulting disconnect is at its core. We have reduced ourselves to frantic consumers, fearful that the next paycheck will not be enough to cover the car payment.

When I was a teenager, my dad and I were in line at the grocery store when someone cut in front of us. I was about to send the jackass to the back of the line when my dad stopped me. "You will have bigger victories in life. If that's the biggest victory in his life, let him have it. You should feel sorry for him." It's not personal when someone is rude to you. It is a pathetic attempt to feel victorious in one part of their otherwise miserable worlds.

Before you think I am being self-righteous, I must admit that it is a challenge for me to politely deal with impolite people. Anyone who knows me can tell you that I have no qualms about being exceptionally rude if someone gets out of line with me. I have learned the hard way, however, that answering rudeness with rudeness is more exhausting than it's worth.